People Reveal When They Knew "It Was Over"

Relationships can be complicated. They can be complicated because relationships involve people, and people are complicated. Even though this is the case, folks should not be in unhealthy, damaging, or unsatisfying relationships of any sort. Past issues and previous dealings can affect how we interact with those we choose to be in relationship with. Still, some signs should never be ignored. 

I asked people on Facebook to tell me when they knew a relationship they experienced was over. Below are some of their responses:

"When I actually started to hate myself for being with him. It was a deep unrelenting hatred to the point where I wouldn't look myself in the mirror and scrub my body to raw after he touched me."

"When I felt shamed in my own relationship for my sexuality and libido. After the second time I had sex with someone else and didn't care, I knew it was over."

"When he didn't support me, call me, or check on me when I had emergency surgery."

"I've only been head-over-heels once. Every other time it's like, "This could work." A few weeks/months later, day by day I see that it's not what I want, that I want to feel more unquestioningly in love. So then begins the painful process of finding a time to talk about our feelings for each other and our commitment to the relationship.
One-sided, I know. I tend to rush in instead of waiting for someone that really amazes me."

"When it felt overwhelmingly stifling. And when there were no more excuses to be made for that person disrespecting my wishes. And when there were repeated signs of emotional manipulation."
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"When his ex called me and I found out he had been cheating for better part of 8 months. Oh, I had chlamydia too."

"Mine was long overdue. It was building up & building up & then one day I realized that I was tired of all the bs, the lies, the distrust & hurt/angry feelings. I realized that I wanted to choose happiness & he wasn't a part of that plan & never could be. I finally put myself before him."

"The relationship had to end when she tried to provoke me into hitting her so she "would know I cared."
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"​When I started acting out of character because of the insecurities he created."

​"For me it was after years of physical abuse when I finally called the police one day. When it sunk in that I just had to call another man to protect me from my husband it was over. Before he got out of jail the next day I had everything he owned packed up and sitting in the foyer."

"For me, I knew the relationship had to end when I lost myself.  I didn't voice my opinion, my likes, or desires and only did what he wanted."

​"For me, it was when I realized that I wasn't a priority. I don't require a lot of attention and understand "busy" because I am extremely busy most of the time. However I make time for people I care about, especially in a relationship. When he would go days without calling or returning my texts or weeks without us seeing each other because he was too busy or tired, I realized that I was not as important to him as he was to me and that he did not value my time. That is when I decided to move on in silence and not even bother to try any more. I feel it was a good decision. It was hard but better for me."

​"I knew a relationship had to end when he was talking about marriage and kids and I told him I didn't want him to spank my kids. He had anger issues. While he wasn't violent towards me, the fact that all I could envision was him abusing my kids, let me know we did not have a serious future."

What's your story? Were there ever any red flags you overlooked, or let a situation go on for too long? Leave a comment and let me know! Thanks for reading!

-Chanel Jaali