Will You Be There in the Morning?

This blog is about those grown-ups that are in what I call “ pre-relationships”. This includes, but is not limited to: talking, kickin it, chillin, and any other type of ambiguous setup that we commit to. Let's say you and someone else have been ________ (fill in in the blank with one of the terms above) for any amount of time and decide to have sex. Now, “decide” can span from 'we talked about this prior to getting down' to ' we were both hot and bothered and fell into bed naked'. After the deed is done, do you leave? Stay for a while? Sleep over? What about the morning? Do you the other person in your place as you go off to work? Is there breakfast involved?

Ideally, I'd like to think that before we get to the sexual point in our relationships that we've considered the 'big picture' and all of the benefits and consequences. But of course, that doesn't always happen.

So how do we avoid an awkward situation? It must be clear that just because you have sex with someone does NOT mean that you are in an “official”, if you will, relationship. Just like with any contract or commitment, terms and conditions do apply and should be discussed, right? (this is where you nod your head in agreement.)

The psychologist in me doesn't want to leave this subject without touching on the meanings and feelings behind 'staying over'. I know, I know, no one wants to talk about meaning and feelings but I promise I'll be brief. Inviting someone into your space can be one thing, but having sex PLUS allowing him/her to sleep over can portray a stance you may or may not intend to display. He or she may think that you have increased your investment in whatever you both started. Many-a-people have gotten their feelings hurt assuming more of a situation than may be actually there. Realize that you are probably not the first person that they have dealt with and that they may have some carry-ons and totes. (baggage)

Is there a way to prevent potential conflict? Why, of course! Making sure both parties are on the same page is essential. This is done by:

*having open conversation, multiple if necessary, about what you both want from each other and the relationship. (whatever kind it may be) Once you've talked,

*stick to the agreement! Follow whatever boundaries you have set up. If your current agreement no longer works for you, another conversation needs to happen to adjust things accordingly. Keep in mind to:

*be realistic and don't settle! If you really want more or less from someone, SPEAK UP. On the flip side, don't alter your feelings just to be with someone You'll only end up resenting yourself in the end.

Amani moto.