What I learned from my ex.

The ending of my last relationship was tough on me. It came at a difficult time in my life, when I was trying to get a lot of things in order. I was heartbroken. I was sad. I was mad and confused. I thought about all of the things that could’ve gone differently.

 Four years in a committed relationship meant ups and downs, and also a lot of lessons.

We, generally speaking, talk negatively about our exes. We mention how crazy she is, or how he was a dog. Rarely do I hear people talk about the positive qualities of their exes or what they learned from their ceased relationships. Of course, no one likes a relationship to end when you weren’t expecting it or weren’t ready. But, I always believe things happen (or don’t) for a reason.

My Mom regularly sends me motivational emails. In one recent email, there was a mention of having an “attitude of gratitude”. I think this can be applied to all aspects of life, including our relationships. Looking at the good in others and the good in relationships help us heal from past hurts and help us to seek healthier partnerships in the future. Yes, I went through the initial breakup feelings (see first paragraph). But after I was over those feelings, I looked at all of the things I learned and experienced. I’m grateful to say that I learned a lot from being in my past relationship. Below are a few of those things.

-          Cooking! I admit it: before I met my ex, I ate like my 8 year old self, and was quite content with that. I could throw something together that was edible and decent, but he taught me the basics and some of the fanciness of the art of cooking. And I actually enjoyed it. I never knew the world of wine was so immense or how to make a black bean burger from scratch. Now I know.

-          Money management: My ex was one of the most responsible people I have ever met. He had great organization and discipline when it came to money. I took the budget spreadsheet he helped me with when I moved to Cameroon, and it really helped me keep track of my income and expenses. Now that I’m back in the states, I’m able to adjust it according to my new life. It’s a motivational tool to spend less, save more, and get ahead financially.

-          Business savvy: One of the most important things I learned from my ex is some business knowledge. He has a business background and was willing to go over the details of my business with me. I was challenged to think outside of the box, be creative, and be thorough in planning.

These are not the only things I’ve learned or are grateful for. These are just a few examples. Keeping that “attitude of gratitude” kept me from being bitter and wallowing in my hurt feelings. Who has time for that? Focus on the good, learn, and KEEP IT MOVING.

I’d like you to think about your past relationship. What things will you take or have you taken into your next relationship? What have you left behind? What did you learn from your ex? Share below.

~chanel jaali