There’s a problem with my availability: it’s too open.
I’ve met some interesting people during my 20s. Some I’ve had connections with, some not. Out of those I’ve made connections with, some have turned into more than friendships, but not quite relationships. You know, that whole ambiguous thing I’ve talked about before. The issue with ambiguity is that since it’s never really defined, its left open to interpretation. And often the interpretations differ. What would usually happen with my ambiguous things is that they would fade out, or the man would realize he was still in love with someone from his past, or wanted to date someone else he was seeing exclusively. I never really got or could get mad because technically we weren’t together; we were just kickin it. The problem was when the man became lonely or figured out he wasn’t still in love or the dating thing didn’t work out. That’s when my Gchat, Facebook, and text messaging would become much more active. This is what I call a “pop up”, when someone resurfaces out of nowhere after a time of minimal or no communication.
Pop ups happen. Especially if there was a connection between the people involved. However, there is often an assumption that the other person has not changed (especially if years have gone by), or that somehow that person was waiting on the pop up’s phone call/text message/chat. And this is where my mistake comes in.
I consider myself to be a nice person. And in being a nice person, I usually don’t take issue with responding to someone that has reached out. But, my niceness also has a way of letting people think that things were like they were in the past, or that I still carry the same level of interest as I may have before. Being available for every phone call/text message/chat can give that impression. Because I didn’t nip it in the bud, I would end up in the murky waters of ambiguity, wondering how I got there. I think it has to do with a combination of liking the attention, and reminiscing on the good times of the past. That can only last so long before it gets old and someone either has the urge to intensify the situation or move on.
Experience has taught me to be direct and be upfront about my intentions with people (new and pop ups alike). It eliminates the guessing games and for me, has created an avenue for open and “grown up” conversations. And I find that the more forthcoming I am the level of potential drama that could occur decreases significantly. Is this method 100% foolproof? No, not at all. But no one can say that he doesn’t know my perspective or how I may feel.
As far as my current availability goes? Well, I guess you will just have to see won't you?
Sexy people rock.